Heartbreak is a very strange distress. It is exquisitely painful, and yet we cannot find an injury on our body. It is like one big emotional pain but it also seems to spark off hundreds of other emotions. We hate the feeling of heartbreak, and yet we find ourselves compelled to go over and over memories, ideas or fantasies which make the feeling worse. What is going on?
I can remember a relationship that ended after five months. I never really knew how it ended. I was too stupid to think that he would love me forever :(. I just felt so alone and sad at the time. The perfect world that I had was torn,broken and totally obliterated. All I could see was him holding hands with another girl and think what a fool I had been. As I lay awake going over and over why this had happened, I was reinforcing how sad I felt and what a loser I must be. I felt terrible, and then even worse because I didn't know if the feeling would ever end.
One day I said to myself, “This is ridiculous! I've got to stop!” But the thoughts wouldn't stop. I didn't want to think about him, but I couldn't help it. I realized that I wasn't in charge of my own brain. I was powerless while it buzzed away. This was one of the experiences that led me eventually into writing this. I wanted to get my mind on my side, instead of having it keep me awake at night. Here's my situation:
I met this guy when I was in grade 3.He was my classmate and I liked him instantly.He tortures me and I torment him.We give each other mostly bruises and headaches.We were classmates again and the torment still goes on until this one twist of fate:We had a spitball fight during CL(weird right) and it was a fun time with normal torture but i logged on my friendster(facebook was not uso yet) later that day and then he left me a comment saying you know what.I was so surprised and shocked.It was a good thing that that was the begining of the semestral break because I had a lot to think about and then finally,I said it back to him....When we went back to school after a week it was Intramurals and he didnt even notice me but the next day he did.We begin talking and he treated me to the canteen...we chat every day and he floods my offline messages with 143 and I do the same thing to...He showers me with gifts like bracelets and stuff like that.After 5 months of our relationship,it was summer break and I told him that I was going to Bacolod for a while.When I came back,our messenger told me that we had to break up because his parents apparently found out.And then the day after,our messenger said that I had no chance because he has a new interest.I say "Im not desperate." and log off.I perform at a piano recital a week after and the next day,I return to Bacolod.For me it was like postponing the feelings while I was there much like a retreat and the hurt started when I went back home.I was crying every night.And it still dosen't stop even until now...
I can remember a relationship that ended after five months. I never really knew how it ended. I was too stupid to think that he would love me forever :(. I just felt so alone and sad at the time. The perfect world that I had was torn,broken and totally obliterated. All I could see was him holding hands with another girl and think what a fool I had been. As I lay awake going over and over why this had happened, I was reinforcing how sad I felt and what a loser I must be. I felt terrible, and then even worse because I didn't know if the feeling would ever end.
One day I said to myself, “This is ridiculous! I've got to stop!” But the thoughts wouldn't stop. I didn't want to think about him, but I couldn't help it. I realized that I wasn't in charge of my own brain. I was powerless while it buzzed away. This was one of the experiences that led me eventually into writing this. I wanted to get my mind on my side, instead of having it keep me awake at night. Here's my situation:
I met this guy when I was in grade 3.He was my classmate and I liked him instantly.He tortures me and I torment him.We give each other mostly bruises and headaches.We were classmates again and the torment still goes on until this one twist of fate:We had a spitball fight during CL(weird right) and it was a fun time with normal torture but i logged on my friendster(facebook was not uso yet) later that day and then he left me a comment saying you know what.I was so surprised and shocked.It was a good thing that that was the begining of the semestral break because I had a lot to think about and then finally,I said it back to him....When we went back to school after a week it was Intramurals and he didnt even notice me but the next day he did.We begin talking and he treated me to the canteen...we chat every day and he floods my offline messages with 143 and I do the same thing to...He showers me with gifts like bracelets and stuff like that.After 5 months of our relationship,it was summer break and I told him that I was going to Bacolod for a while.When I came back,our messenger told me that we had to break up because his parents apparently found out.And then the day after,our messenger said that I had no chance because he has a new interest.I say "Im not desperate." and log off.I perform at a piano recital a week after and the next day,I return to Bacolod.For me it was like postponing the feelings while I was there much like a retreat and the hurt started when I went back home.I was crying every night.And it still dosen't stop even until now...
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2 songs to describe EVERYTHING:
Cry No More by Chris Brown
Never thought it'd catch me
Never thought it'd cost me
Never thought it'd hurt me
Never thought I'd fall in love.. But I did
I feel like somebody dropped a ton of bricks on my stomach [now]
I can't eat I can't sleep And it hurts me so deep
I heard people talk about it And laugh like it'll never happened to me
Now look at me It caught me
See how quick karma comes around
Who says a man ain't supposed to cry?
Wish I can crawl under a rock somewhere and just die
Just want the pain to go away, today
I don't wanna cry no more And I don't wanna hurt no more
And I don't wanna love no more
Especially if it causes this I don't want no part of it
Because it hurts me so bad
Even when it's sunny outside It still feels like it's raining
No clouds insight But I still need your umbrella[oh]
Sometimes I wish I would've never let you in
And then, wish I never met you Fell in love with you
Then I wouldn't feel like I do
Who says a man ain't supposed to cry?
Wish I could crawl under a rock somewhere and just die
I just want the pain to go away, today
I don't wanna cry no more And I don't wanna hurt no more
And I don't wanna love no more Especially if it causes this
I don't want no part of it Because it hurts me so bad
Never thought it'd catch me Never thought it'd cost me
Never thought it'd hurt me Never thought I'd fall in love
But I did ooohh
Never thought it'd catch me Never thought it'd cost me
Never thought it'd hurt me, like this I just want the pain to go away, today!
I don't wanna cry no more And I don't wanna hurt no more
And I don't wanna love no more Especially if it causes this
I don't want no part of it Because it hurts me so bad
Never thought it'd catch me
Never thought it cost me
Never thought it hurt me
Never thought I'd fall in love But I did
Never thought it'd catch me
Never thought it'd cost me
Never thought it'd hurt me like this Like, like this [today]
Sorry if the post was too long
xoxo,
Reika x Alex
