Bill Kaulitz has taught me to stand out, be different and shine in others' shadow. How? How would I do it when there are restraints on me? How would I do that? Bill, he's different, special. He's otherworldly. I on the other hand...am just this 13 year old girl, going under hormonal changes that are frankly really disturbing.
I wanted to have a pixie cut. A really really short cropped hairstyle. I fake a smile whenever they say I can't do it. That I won't be able to pull it off. I say "I don't care." which is partly true but I can't help but feel sad at the fact that I'm not able to do it. Not able to do something unusual or something just totally ludicrous.
Mom, just right here beside me, just said that Lea Michele wasn't pretty. She has a big nose mom said. Which is a fact. It is big but I guess that's what makes her beautiful-- her imperfections, the imbalance makes it all so lovely.
If Lea Michele is not pretty to her, what about me? I have a wide face, flat nose and skin that would put the dinosaurs to shame. I have eyebrows thick as the forest, and hair-- BIG hair that doesn't suit any trend. WHOA. I must look like hell or something. Unlike Lea, I don't have a talent. I can't sing. I can do some things but it's nothing special at all. What am I? Who am I? What made me like this? What do I do?
Confused. That's what I am. And finding myself is my mission. Question is..How long will that take? Well. DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL. I would just go about my day and try not to get into trouble for as long as I live. YEAH. THAT'S IT! Just shut up and stuff. And THEN I'd live. THEN I won't be as depressed. But then again, life would be colorless. It's okay if it's black or white, at least there's a movie.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
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